Day SixtySeven of being Aflickionless...

Ummmmmmm...really nothing to go in here today. Maz has work on Seeker tomorrow and with a 10.15am start she likes them so far, that could all change tomorrow though.
Maz distroyed her friends list on Stalkbook this evening, about 100 people didn't make the cut "I'm sorry, you are the weakest link...now fuck off".

Shit all in the news besides a whole bunch of crap about people dying or some boy trying to rob a member of the public with a toy gun...OH and today (informed by Tina) marks 40years since America faked walking on the moon...hahaha. COME ON THE FLAG DIDN'T MOVE RIGHT!!! Anywho some monkey landed on the moon 40years ago, woot woot for man!!!

The worst of winter may be over for Auckland but weather forecasters are warning it will get wet and windy again before next weekend. MetService weather ambassador Bob McDavitt said although signs of spring had started popping up in the city two weeks early, it was too soon to celebrate winter's end.

A range of imported drinks marketed as fruit juice has been recalled after the Commerce Commission found the products contained little or no trace of fruit. Armenian Imports Limited, trading as Super Juice, distributed four juice products from Armenia under the brand name Yan. An investigation by the commission found at least two of the products were incorrectly labelled. Beverages described as 100 per cent blackcurrant juice, peach juice and pomegranate juice were tested by an independent laboratory.

SIDESWIPPING IT...
A frustrated dad sold his family trampoline for $1 after a series of expensive mishaps. He explains in his Trade Me listing: "If I had a chainsaw, I would hack it into small pieces on a stormy night while cackling like a maniac ...I got it for free from a neighbour, and thought, 'Bargain' ... Little did I know that it would end up costing me $742.
Incident 1: Tandem jumping collision. One kid jumped up, other was coming down, downward one's front teeth went into the head of the upwards one. Tears, blood, cracked teeth ... Result - $48 at A& E (kid number one's head), $84 at dentist (kid number two's teeth), $24 painkillers.
Incident 2: Son sneaks out at 8pm for sneaky jump. Can't see edge, falls off into tree stump ... Result - $72 x-rays, $48 at A&E.
Incident 3: Two kids decide to throw stones on to neighbour's roofs while jumping. Smash one neighbour's leadlight window. Old lady with the wobbly head next door thinks tapping on roof is demon/lava/dead husband/Jesus/Santa in May. She 'comes over all queer' (that's what she told me, hatefully, may I add) and rings ambulance in case she's dying/possessed. Ambulance man tells me off. Result: Leadlight, $140; ambulance, $90; flowers for wobbly head lady, $38; flowers for leadlight lady, $38.
Incident 4: After just four weeks, I decide to kill trampoline. Try to dismantle its springs. Trap finger. I'm sure I heard trampoline chuckle. Result: $58 A&E, $78 x-ray, $24 wine and painkillers."

LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF


AUCKLAND FORECAST TODAY
Max: 14 °C
Min: 7°C (overnight)
Humidity: 89%
Cloudy periods and the odd shower. Southwesterlies. (Translation: meh day)

CURRENT WEIRDNESS
Blank moment...so no weirdness...

DAILY FOF MOMENT
Well the original fail of the day was going to be Tina tripping on the edge of a bit of wood under a mat and looking like a total dick...hahahaha. BUT something far more entertaining happened.

Brought to you yet again by Tina...

She was trying on Matt's work harness...Matt said "try that on", so she tried it on...he then told Tina to tighten it up, so naturally she listened (like the good little bitch she is)...HOWEVER, while she wasn't paying attention Matt flung it up over the beam and lifted her off the ground.
Meanwhile Maz was on the computer after culling her list when she heard Tina then screaming like a bitch cause her balls were hurting. Maz ran in saw what was going on, ran back, got her camera, realised there was no card, managed to go grab one and take a photo all before she was let down...."hahaha...what good help I was. Such a good friend I am"

Tina didn't want you to see her crying like a bitch because of her balls, so we have blurred her

SO that is the FAIL OF THE DAY!!

At least Tina learnt, Never trust Matt when strapped in a harness!

Day SixtySix of being Aflickionless...

After not rolling in the door till about 4.30am Maz never got to bed till almost 5.30am. So she slept all day...well till around 2pm.

Hell must of froze over this morning because Tina, Matt and the kids went to church. WTF? They never go to church, but somehow they were talked into go by Matt's dad.

Other than that nothing much to report on today.

With swine flu cases soaring in New Zealand and schools resuming tomorrow, health officials are advising teachers and students to stay home if they are sick. In New Zealand there are now 2255 confirmed cases of swine flu (Influenza A H1N1) and the virus has led to the deaths of 10 people.

An earthquake measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale shook Hawke's Bay about noon today. The quake was centred 40km south of Hastings, at a depth of 50km at 12.03pm, GNS science reported. It was felt in the Hawke's Bay.

Blue Chip co-founder Mark Bryers has racked up another debt - this time $11.2 million to Westpac. The High Court last week awarded summary judgment to Westpac NZ Ltd against Bryers after he guaranteed a company debt.

A man who was fatally hit by a car outside a hospital emergency department lay injured for nearly 24 minutes before an ambulance transported him inside. Ross Stuart Andrew, 54, was hit outside Waitakere Hospital in Henderson, West Auckland, just before 8.15am on July 9. He died in North Shore Hospital two days later. Police said Andrew was walking across the hospital's access road when he was hit by a car turning into the site. A witness called 111 and an ambulance was dispatched from central Auckland.

Celebrated Kiwi painter Frances Hodgkins has joined Beethoven, Hemingway and Rembrandt - by having a crater on Mercury named after her. The Hodgkins crater is among 16 discovered by Nasa's Messenger spacecraft last October. All such landforms on the closest planet to the sun are named after dead artists, authors and musicians. The names are suggested by members of the Messenger team, the public and the International Astronomical Union.

A Kiwi flight attendant has been at the centre of an internet controversy while competing for a spot on the New York Knicks cheerleading squad. Melissa Rodriguez, 27, auditioned to become the 18th member of the Knicks City Dancers and made it to the final two. Fans were then asked to vote for their favourite. The winner is due to be announced by the end of tomorrow. However organisers wiped all the votes for both contestants after allegations were made that Rodriguez was cheating, according to a fan site run by her brother. She was alleged to have told people how to set up an automatic vote for her on the site.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AWW...
The long-lost love who stole Hank Hartel's heart has been found. The 69-year-old Australian was searching for New Zealander Jan Grace, whom he met on a ship from England in 1965.
Hank was thrilled to learn Jan contacted the Herald on Sunday after his story appeared last week. "It's beautiful," he said. "It'll be nice just to be able to send her an email." Jan, who has been happily married for 40 years and has two adult children and four grandchildren, said she remembered Hartel well. "A lovely, sincere, handsome young man with a good sense of humour,"she said. "We shared a lot of fun and good times until he left the ship in Melbourne to start his new life in Australia."

SLIGHTLY TWISTED
How do you know that your gf is really hot?

When you stick your hands down her pants and it feels like youre feeding a horse

AUCKLAND FORECAST TODAY
Max: 13 °C
Min: 9°C (overnight)
Humidity: 79%
Passing showers. Fresh westerlies. (Translation: wind, showers, bit chilly)

CURRENT WEIRDNESS
Just over 5days till Body Art Awards and Maz isn't stressed!

DAILY FOF MOMENT
No fail, besides Maz still having a plague and not putting two & two together. FAIL just for having a lame/no fail!!!

Day SixtyTwo of being Aflickionless...

Lets see...it's July 15th which means that today is JayJay's birthday!!! Maz sent her a somewha annoying text this morning...basicially the Happy Birthday song but sent as it is sung (line by line).

CHECK IT OUT...LOVIN IT RIGHT NOW...


Amber made a complete dick of herself while at Denny's having breakfast with Hannah. She (Hannah) was telling Amber something about elk, and Amber was like "whats an elk?". Hannah was like "really? its a reindeer!". And then Amber looked like a dick by saying "whoa I thought reindeer were made up!!"

Maz was up at the crack of dawn (not even dawn) to boot Russell out of bed to drop Matt off at work. Then helped Tina get Jamie & Joelle ready to go on set for the first time, they were super excited. Domestic morning, washed dishes, cleaned windows (how thrilling). Took photos of Biccie & Doughnut pendants, they are now available to buy...YAY!!!

TVNZ has apologised for a swear word being repeatedly broadcast on One News last night. The F word featured in court footage from the Clayton Weatherston murder trial in Christchurch.

A man who watched his bus burn in front of him is unimpressed the fire communications centre did not know where Southland was. Greg Sayers was outside his family's partly converted small bus in Edendale, 39km northeast of Invercargill, when he noticed it was on fire and called 111, the Southland Times reported. The operator put him through to fire communications, but told him no one was answering, Mr Sayers said. The operator then tried a different number, but the new operator was unsure of where he was in the country, he said. "I said Edendale and she said 'where's that?' and I said Southland and she said 'where's that?"'Police have confirmed that as part of a review of equipment used by frontline officers some speed radars will be taken out of patrol cars and not all will necessarily be replaced. Frontline officers say they had been advised 400 Stalker detection units, which are leased, are to be removed from police vehicles as part of efforts to cut $21 million from the police operating budget. There are 1000 Stalker units in patrol cars around the country. Officers said they feared many speeding motorists would now escape without penalty.

SIDESWIPPING IT
A reader writes: "While heading north at the weekend I spotted a hitchhiker with a sense of humour hoping for a ride in the other direction. To up his chances of success he held a sign reading 'Won't kill you'. I have no doubt he would have been picked up in no time at all by a passerby or, if not, a marketing agency with a little foresight."

An American toddler did such a good job of hiding during a game of hide-and-seek that the family had to call police to help find her. Emergency crews and friends frantically searched the neighbourhood for an hour before the family dog found Natalie, 2. She had fallen asleep in a drawer underneath the washing machine.

SLIGHTLY TWISTED
How do you get a leper out of a bath tub?

With a sieve

AUCKLAND FORECAST TODAY
Max: 15 °C
Min: 11°C (overnight)
Humidity: 89%
Cloudy spells. Late rain. Dying westerly. (Translation: Auckland weather being well...Auckland weather)

CURRENT WEIRDNESS
10pm and Maz is thinking about bed...

DAILY FOF MOMENT
A couple of Tina's friends came over and failed when turning around in the drive. Mushy clay + car front left wheel = FAIL!!!

Day ThirtyNine of being Aflickionless...

Almost 40 days without us! Miss us yet or glad to be rid of us? We miss you!!!

JayJay and Nik have been seeing each other for a month now, but she hasn't seen Maz in a month (Stink). JayJay also thinks Maz has lost weight in the last month (from looking at photos), Maz tends to disagree.

Mud cake, brownies (from Dominos) and French Vanilla ice cream...there is a god! YUM!

Maz is working on an advert tomorrow as an extra (aka "background talent"). She spent the day working on her entry for the C4 Vans competition (COMBI VAN POWER!) and listening to (among other things) Britney Spears.


You know you love it! (pity it's not released as a single, would go off in the clubs I think...*hint* *hint* CUT THAT SHIT UP LIKE CHEAP COKE!)

Russell is now on the board of doing house chores too. He did the dishes and also cooked dinner tonight, since Tina or I couldn't be assed and well Matt has been working all day so he automatically gets out of doing it.

A Lotto winner who left his ticket on the front seat of his unlocked car for two days is thanking his lucky stars it was not stolen, after learning he won more than $300,000. The winner from Whenuapai in west Auckland says he brought everything else inside, but for some reason left the ticket sitting in the car, in his driveway. He says once he and his wife realised they had won, they locked the ticket in their safe until they claimed it.

New Zealand now has 303 cases of swine flu, with the majority of people experiencing relatively mild to moderate symptoms. The number of confirmed cases is rising rapidly, up 45 from yesterday.

National retailer Farmers Trading Company has been fined $10,000 for selling a returned and repaired television set as new.

A furniture store has been fined $28,000 after admitting providing misleading information about the savings to be made on sale goods.

CADAVER PICK UPS
"Hey baby. Does this rag smell like chloroform?"

AUCKLAND FORECAST TODAY
Max: 13 °C
Min: 2 °C (overnight)
Humidity: 89 %
Fine and cloudy periods. Southerly breezes. (Translation: Fine, yes. Cloudy, yes. Rain, no. Southerly Breeze, dunno.)

CURRENT WEIRDNESS
Russell accually did something AND likes that Britney song!

DAILY FOF MOMENT
Matt left this morning with a total of $20ish, realised on the way to work that he had to put gas in the car, $7 for parking (he works in town) and then it dawned on him that he didn't pack his lunch. So he only had $6 for the day. FAIL!